Comparison, the thief of joy.
“Comparison is the root cause of all evil.
Why compare when no two people are alike?”
― Haresh Sippy
So, I was scrolling on Twitter the other day (yes, I still refuse to call it ‘X’), and saw a tweet that said, “It’s OK to clap for your friends if their dreams take off before yours; that just means God is in your neighborhood!” And it made me stop and think… Why does God have to be in your neighborhood for you to celebrate your friends, or peers that are doing better than you are? Why do we, as twenty-somethings, constantly compare our successes, losses, and timing to others?
God created all of us to be truly original. We are all one of a kind. But for some reason, social media has increased the rate at which we compare our lives to those around us.
For example, the dreaded LinkedIn scroll. Ah, Kate graduated undergrad in four years; I wish I could be like her. Oh look, Michelle just got a job in her field, six months after graduating; boy is she lucky. Wow, Don just bought his first house at 22; why can’t I be like that? We always hear how everyone is on their own pace and timing in life, but nonetheless, we can’t help but compare our lives and successes to theirs. I am a victim myself. But when we compare what we see online, we are only comparing a PART of someone else’s story to our whole story. There was a quote I read somewhere that said,
“Other people’s lives seem better than yours because you’re comparing their director’s cuts with your behind the scenes.”
And that resonated with me. A lot of times, MOST times, actually, people are only posting the good things that happen to them. Yes, Kate graduated in four years, but she almost couldn’t afford her final semester. Yeah, Michelle got a job in her field, but she got rejected by 12 other jobs. Yes, Don bought his first house at 22, because his parents kicked him out, giving him no choice. We shouldn’t make it a habit to compare what we see online to our lives. Most of the time, we don’t know the full story. But then again, even if those successes account for the full story, you’re going to have to learn to be okay with someone else being more successful than you. With someone else doing something before you have or buying something before you have.
Our blessings all come at different times, and we were all given different pieces of life to start with. Become comfortable with knowing that you are on God’s timing, and as long as you are doing what you are supposed to do and doing the best you can, you will be where you need to be in due timing. Learn to clap for others, even if your dreams don’t take off before theirs do. And learn to be happy for your peers, even if it means that God hasn’t “made it to your neighborhood” yet.
J. Cole said it best:
“Always gon' be a bigger house somewhere, but n***a feel me
'Long as the people in that m**********r love you dearly
Always gon' be a whip that's better than the one you got
Always gon' be some clothes that's fresher than the one's you rock
Always gon' be a b***h that's badder out there on the tours
But you ain't never gon' be happy 'til you love yours…”
Not only is comparison bad for you in general, but it’s bad for your MENTAL. Constantly comparing yourself will drain you because you’ll constantly be trying to one-up someone, which is unrealistic. Learn to be happy with what you have at every stage. There really is beauty in every stage of your life. The best way to do this is through gratitude practices. Buy a $1.00 composition notebook and call it your gratitude journal. Buy an actual gratitude journal. Open your notes app. Find a place where you can write your blessings down each day. Every day won’t be good, but there’s something good in every day. Make sure to capture that. It’ll help you appreciate your life more.
As we move forward, let's remember that our individual paths are unique, and the beauty of our lives unfolds at its own pace. Embrace your journey, and remember to celebrate the wins—big or small.
I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on navigating the challenges of comparison. Feel free to share your insights in the comments below, and let's create a space where we can support each other.
Song of the day 🎵